Every time I get an ultrasound or see a doctor, they all tell me that everything's fine. Even with the bleeding, everything's fine. It's hard to believe them. On Wednesday this week I had 10 whole minutes of happiness when I realized the bleeding had stopped. Then the phone rang and it was one of the ER doctors telling me there was a potential abnormality on my recent ultrasound. A potential abnormality??? What the fuck does that mean?!?! They said it looks like a cyst on the baby's pelvis. I of course got right on the Internet and apparently they're very specific about using the word cyst over tumor or something else. A cyst apparently will disappear on it's own 9 times out of 10, but still. One more damn thing to worry about. Then of course the bleeding started again. Then stopped again. Then started again. In all the reading I've done, nothing talks about the bleeding starting and stopping. I'm almost 13 weeks now and things are supposed to be getting easier but I spend most of my time worrying and/or crying.
My b/f's ex girlfriend got pregnant twice, ectopic pregnancies both times. He was devastated. I was his best friend back then and know what he went through. He's never really gotten over losing those babies. He's always wanted to be a father and we never thought I'd get pregnant. It took over 2 years to conceive this baby and I can't even imagine what it would do to him if I lost this one. Or what it would do to me. If I lose this baby, I don't know if I could go through this again. I know I'll feel better after this week's appointments but it's just so hard.
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